For CFJ
What's in a name, so often asked
Yet answers ne'er revealed
A gift, a badge, a piece of all
In life, a label sealed
A name bestowed upon our souls
When first we touch this plane
A title worn with pride or scorn-
It changes not the name
Yet in the heart of every man
There lies a secret place
For when we wring our wretched deeds
And lay aside the waste
And wretched deeds are done by all
No man escaped unscathed
Some men beg for mercy's kiss
Some take it to the grave
But what of when a grave is dug
By man's own hand to hold
The lifeless form of one so sworn
To be cherished as if gold?
Some men find out all too late
Graves hold not just the dead
And should they look beneath the stone
Will find themselves instead;
Will find to their surprise
The taking of a lesser life
Will be their own surmise
For no life is a lesser thing
No soul a weaker flame
And when extinguished far too soon
Upon his hands remains
The blood which, unlike the fire,
Cannot snuffed out so easily be,
And he who holds the blame
Holds naught but that-
A name.
The Darkness Between Stars
Perfection is not the absence of flaws;
it is quite the opposite,
for it is the flaws themselves
which encompass perfection.
Without them, what is there to
base a label of perfect upon?
Like stars in the night sky,
flaws allow us to see the void
we call perfection, the vast
emptiness holds nothing if it
does not hold the light by which
we see the glory of the night sky.
Perfection, void of flaws,
would have no meaning,
no existence. It is only by
assigning flaws to things
that we are able to see
their beauty. This exquisite
beauty we call perfect is,
in truth, none more than the
light which shines brightly enough
to show us what we fear in the
darkness between the stars.
The Words
Sometimes I’d drift
Throughout my day
Not, in any certain way,
Attempting to complete
A prose, but words
Like fire, swiftly rose
And forced themselves
Into my head. So
Often as I lie in bed
Inside my mind a poem
Will be, complete in
Its entirety- my charge,
To merely write it down;
A poem less written
And more found.
The Miracle of Love
The miracle of
Love is
The warmth that fills your body
Like a wonderful secret that
Cannot be shared in words
But only in anticipation.
The miracle of
Love is
The commitment of
Having your heart walking about
Apart from your body
While your soul with his is permanently entwined.
The miracle of
Love is
Seeing all that is in you
And beautiful
And all that is beautiful
And not in you
In someone else.
The miracle of
Love is
What you find when you're not
Looking, and,
Even when you look away,
Never leaves your sight.
Only when you
Love
Are you truly alive
For only when you love can you die
Since we cannot lose
Ourselves.
Love is.
That, itself, is the miracle.
Goodnight
Gone
She's on the floor and half-dressed
Pencil poised as thoughts come
And words roll languorously across paper
She's/I'm here writing her/my life
Pain, despair, morbid grief
Hope, happiness, love, belief
I am all these things
I am nouns
This poem a statement of your/my desire
All emotion brings
I have found
To poetry is not truth, nor the liar
And if this poem and I
Are doomed to be so intertwined
I myself cannot exist a lie
I am each word, each rhyme, each line
And in this fleeting moment
I am the nemesis of all that you despise
I am the lifeblood of these intangible ties
But I am not fiction
In this fleeting moment
I am the feeling once presumed long dead
I am the words you'd rather leave unsaid
But I am not your fiction
Suffice to say I may be my own
For when I am alone....
BE WITH ME NOW
Otherwise I may not exist
I would be missed
Even if you insist otherwise
Past experiences have shown
Only the Past-
And nothing more
Can come
We cannot be so presumptuous as to say
What's past can dictate future days
This Present is my gift to you
But please don't wait for the
Future
To open it
For it/I shall already be gone
What's left to write?
It's all cut and dry
Seeing you is a fight
But I can't say goodbye
You came in my life with a song
A melody I can't ignore
I know perhaps one day you'll be gone
There's never a way to be sure
But this song in my heart is still playing
As I know it to be in yours
I don't know how long you'll be staying
But these feelings I cannot ignore
For so many months I've been hiding
From the beauty the world has to share
In you I found solace in confiding
And when I need you, you always are there
There are so many forces against this
But who's to say what's right or what's wrong?
How can I help but feel heaven has sent this
When the feelings we share are so strong?
The heart can know no restrictions
If we ignore the message it sends
I stand by my convictions
We'll only feel pain in the end
I don't know what brought us together
I don't know how long it will last
I know it may not be forever
But if it ends up in the past
I don't want to look back and wonder
What could have been if we'd tried
Just feeling remorse for the blunder
Of feelings suppressed and denied
I know into this world you shall travel
In search of the truths you desire
But the love we share won't unravel;
Distance can't quench this fire
You'll be in my heart all the while
You can't be here in my sight
I'll just look at the stars with a smile
And remember
It's never goodbye; it's goodnight.
Loneliness Is A Bird
Loneliness
Is like a bird.
Some say if they were to fly
They would be free
But they would only be running
On air.
Maybe birds look at us and wonder
Why it is they cannot walk
So upright
So tall and true
Like us.
Loneliness has wings
That can elevate
And sedate you
Until you are free.
So what have you gained
From freedom
An aching heart.
The wind howls across distant fields
For no one.
There is no beauty in sadness
Pain is not poetry
But an excuse to smile upon the things that tear the hearts of men
Like us.
Laughter is the only true beauty
Laughter is the song of nature
But laughter
Like everything else that starts
Must
Someday
End.
Once we laughed,
You and me
Together-
Us-
No more.
Your fire burned in me
Now there is only a
Cold
Empty
Space.
The fire is
Out
And you have
Ripped your love from me
And left me here
Crushed
Crying
Forgotton
Free.
This Fire
The chill in the air
So much harder to bear
There's nowhere I can hide
The silence it screams
So much louder it seems
Without you by my side
I want you to know
We only can grow
From the time we have to share
I want you to see
It's not easy for me
To get up the courage to care
But when you're beside me
I know I can't hide me
I open my heart to you
If this fire should burn
I can't ask in return
But I promise my heart to be true
Love has its surmises
Life's full of surprises
We must learn to seize the day
Though there's pain to endure
The chance taken's worth more
Then the one let slip away
Ashes
We all have one
I speak not of something vulgar,
Nor figurative
But quite visceral
We may deny it,
Even to ourselves
But truth remains
We all have one
The one that got away
She's always there
On the edge of your subconscious
Teasing and taunting you
Begging remembrance
And the times come
At random
In the blackest night
As you drift away
Or when you hear that song
Smell that perfume
You feel it happening
Something in you is triggered
And there she is
Laughing
Smiling that secret smile
Meant only for you
Her eyes dance
And you feel as if a million stars
Could not outshine the fire in your heart
The fire that burns deeper
And brighter
With each passing moment you are allowed the privilege of her grace
The tears come
Joy or sorrow?
You cannot tell
You know she is gone
But in this moment she is
Real
Standing there
Smiling just for you
Inevitably your eyes snap open
The sudden shock knocks you to your knees
And you are met with a reality
As cold and hard as the ground beneath you
The fire is gone,
Leaving only a memory so fragile
One breath could send a cloud of gray dust
Scattering in the breeze
You try to grasp it
But it slips through your fingers
And is gone
Ashes
Ashes
We all fall down
I Watch You Softly Sleeping
By Moonlight
Silently, I watch the river.
Time flows like these waters-
Unrelenting.
Days, hours, minutes,
Years.
It all blends into one monotonous passage.
I drift with the current
Not caring where I end up;
I hardly remember where I began.
In my heart I feel only a dull ache.
Pale moonlight casts shadows in my lonely soul
And as the sullen moon reflects her eerie glow upon the waters
So reflects a tiny world trapped in the tear that glistens as it slides down the contours of my face
Like raindrops on cold stone
As cold as the start night,
The everlasting night,
That has become my one companion.
So rich is the still silence,
Feeding the emptiness that grows within
Where only moonlight soaks the barren void....
There exists no beauty quite so magnificent as moonlight
By whose pale glow I strain to see the faint reminders of the eminent day.
But as dawn creeps closer like the footsteps of a phantom-
I dare not look behind me, I dare less look ahead-
Before the night loses her silver beam
Distant memories echo in my mind as
By moonlight
Into the darkness I too slip away
I watch you softly sleeping,
A placid contentment on your face.
I lean down,
My hair brushing your cheek,
To softly kiss the warmness of your skin
And I see a smile brush your lips
Ever so delicate
As when a butterfly lands
And then in the rapid flapping of paper wings
Is gone.
I watch you softly sleeping,
And I long to join you.
You look so peaceful, so serene,
Lost in gentle slumber,
Your chest rising and falling
With the beating of your heart,
Your breath emerging rasping
And rhythmic.
How I wish to wrap your arms around me
To protect my fair skin from
The harshness
Of deep night.
I watch you softly sleeping,
The innocence with which you are able
To lie before me,
Faint light reflecting off your
Softly glowing skin
As you lie
Sprawled on your back
Confident even in unconsciousness.
For a moment I feel intimidation
Then you stir,
Cold from the sweat that causes
Your skin to possess such radiance.
You curl up with your head in my lap;
Instinctively I brush unruly hair out of
Closed eyes.
The butterfly's flight
A little boy sleeps
Perfect
Where did you come from, my beautiful boy?
What possessed you to come and shatter the fragile foundations of my heart?
My heart had been given-
It longed for you.
I cherished the rare moments
I spent basking in your attention,
Smiling at your compliments,
Lying in your arms,
And our eyes met-
And you were gone, again.
You were my forbidden fruit,
Perfect
But not enough.
The more you fed my addiction to you
The more I longed
To possess you
With my eyes-
My hands-
My lips-
My heart.
I bid you to me-
You came willingly
Into my arms.
Lip to lip
And time stood still.
Perfect,
Those precious seconds
When you became a part of me.
Perfect-
This was not supposed to happen.
Not this-
Not now.
I offered my body-
I gave my self.
It is yours now;
I have become my own sacrifice.
Empty now,
I long to fill the void within you.
I envy your indifference;
How easy it is for you to walk away
When this passion does not
Light a fire that singes the
Far corners of your heart.
I burn for you,
I feel it in the pit of my stomach,
And there you stand.
Perfect,
Unchanging, unfeeling
As bright and beautiful
As the loneliest star in the coldest winter sky
Today
Today is a good day
Today nothing good happens
but the weather.
Today there is a brighter sun
and a bluer sky
Then there has ever been
or so it seems
Today is one of those days
(you know the days I mean)
when a glance skyward puts a smile on your lips
when basking in the beauty of the infinite blueness
is so overwhelming
it fills your heart with joy and makes you want to sing
aloud.
Never is there such perfection
as in that deep blue sky
and when you walk the busy streets
and see the smiling faces of those passing
you can smile back, for you know
that they too understand
and under this bright sun you know for a moment
that you understand each other
This day is for everyone, for no one can deny
its beauty
an art form of the heavens
I wish I could put it in a bottle
and keep it
for no two days are ever quite the same
today is no ordinary day
nor even ordinary for the extraordinary
These are the days which we look back upon
after years past
and still remember the joy
so complete
each place such as this finds its own place
in your heart
And when the rain falls you can look back and remember
the birth of Spring
for Spring is reborn with each day of such
consummate perfection
throughout the year
These are the days when there is no
yesterday
no tomorrow
only
today
wishing it could last forever
yet knowing with contentment that it cannot be so, for
TODAY
is a good day
Gilded Lies
Perhaps what I always thought was
Truth in words
Was only
Eloquent deception.
Perhaps I thought
If beauty is truth
I could make falsities beautiful
And therefore true.
But beautiful
Words
Are not necessarily
Beautiful truths;
Sometimes they are only
Gilded lies
After The Rain
After the rain a heavy thickness settles o'er the street
And clouds the minds of those who venture into the outside world.
A haziness that hangs down from the cold, grey-splotched sky
Puts your mind on edge, your thoughts confused and swirled.
Surroundings, void of colour, seem a cold, ubiquitous grey
Light seems but a memory, and darkness still is looming.
Precious few are seen about, void of all emotion
Lost inside the vastness of a darkness so consuming.
Darkness soon will settle in, the sky fade a deep blue
And the feeling of surreality will fade just as fast.
Under the streetlight the wet pavement glistens from the rain
The only indication of the storm which now has passed
A Moment
What truly is eternity,
How small a stretch we get!
All we feel and touch and see
With fading bodies; yet,
This time, however brief,
We share with other souls around us,
Sometimes lost in disbelief
A kindred soul has sought and found us.
Days will come and days will go,
Waves will crash upon the shore,
Until the day the clock hands show
No further movement; nothing more.
And memory a thing of shadow,
Silent dark’ning mystery
Pulls the strings of things once lost,
Rips out the flesh of history.
And yet it must be so, one day,
There is no way around it;
Even if we wish to stay
In joy, when once we found it.
And when this mortal tour is over,
May I find the peace I seek.
Keep me close to those I love,
My heart stay full, no drop to leak.
Comfort me from heav’n above,
Soul to soul each life embraces,
Holds close wisdom once hard-earned,
Even as the mind erases
What has been; what’s to come
Creates the journey - joy and strife -
We benefit and suffer from;
The thing we call by one word; “life”
Convenience
coming out of 7-11 tonight I
walked up to my car but before my hand
reached the door handle
I stopped and thought “that is not the bag
I left in the passenger seat”
and “there was definitely a car seat in the back
earlier” and I didn’t feel any sort of
panic which I thought was odd (but only after the fact)
as before my brain had time to fully process the situation
I took a step back and bumped into a car
my car
and it was then that I became aware of what had happened
and it occurred to me that I’d truly not realized the
car I’d been staring into was
not in fact mine
but someone else’s black Prius
someone who parked next to my black Prius
but I don’t think our matching cars had anything
to do with his decision to park there but the fact that
the spot was right in front of the door
it was likely a matter of convenience
at least that’s the story my brain told me
when I asked
tonight the story is different
tonight was merely a moment but
in that moment so much
shifted in my reality and i didn’t feel
concerned
amused is more like it
I have to ask myself what made that moment comical
was it because somewhere in my subconscious
I knew it was not my car at all or was something far simpler
yet infinitely more complex
perhaps in that moment I was full
of the absurdity we so cleverly disguise with
various positions of power or political partisanship but
at the end of the day
these things only have meaning in relation to their nemeses
and alone we are left with life and it’s persistent
omnipresent absurdity and maybe
in the moment I existed completely within that absurdity
and it felt good it felt freeing it felt
unfamiliar but in an exciting way and
what could I do but laugh
after all
hysterical became a word for a reason
On The Dock
This day has come
This day will go
What tomorrow holds
No one can know
But here I sit and here I'll stay
To watch the sun as it fades away
To hear the waves as they lap the shore
As they've always done and will forevermore
To feel the breeze as the west winds blow
To feel the heat of the summer skies
While up with the birds - my heart - it flies
And leave me dreaming down below
And when I venture from this place
It leaves a smile on my face
For all this beauty here bestowed
That leaves a smile when I go
Three-Way Mirror
I.
sometimes, I think I know you-
I guess we're all naive like that.
sometime I think I love you
but love is just a word, and words are infinitely inadequate
to explain this
fire that burns within my raging heart.
I am lost when I look in your eyes.
I am swallowed in your glance, your touch.
what is this darkness? the emptiness is comforting to me.
my heart yearns for release-
raging rivers of interminable force, gushing forth with the strength of the gods,
burning like a star that bursts into the night and shatters the fragile stillness.
you are the fire that lights my soul
supernova-
your love scalds my tender flesh.
I am ashes in your palm.
I am dust at your feet.
what is this fire?
I let the flames consume me.
take me, I give myself to you,
I am all that I have-
and maybe less than that.
I am so tired of all this.
I don't want to do it anymore.
when does the warrior rest?
even the gods need their sleep,
eternal,
relentless.
pain is an ocean,
the waves are crashing upon the shores of my soul.
even the hardest rock, over time, will be eroded,
made smooth,
made perfect.
is that the purpose of this pain?
perhaps, like the rock, I too will be smoothed and polished,
worn down,
washed over,
dulled into defenselessness.
take me then, take my new perfection,
encase me in gold and wear me around your finger.
I must be worth a lot;
perfection, after all, is rare.
II.
city lights pass over our heads as we drive.
we have no destination,
we exist only in each other.
I will take you to my breast,
I will stroke your hair and dry your tears,
my lover
my child
my father
myself
I struggle to find the point where you end and I begin.
the line is blurred.
everything is blurred.
I realize then that I am crying.
the tears are making it hard to see.
I have to tell you something:
I'm scared.
that's right, scared. afraid. terrified.
hush, it's a secret. no one can know.
not even you,
so you'd better forget I told you.
when will you take me to the place where there are no boundaries?
where love's rays shine through the thunderclouds of pain,
and the living and the dead converse casually over a steaming cappuccino.
please, don't go.
don't make me follow.
three souls of the damned,
dancing and laughing through the scalding flames of hell.
I shiver with the irony,
and the cold.
I toss my cigarette and roll the window up.
it's chilly tonight.
I'm alive, I realize.
otherwise I wouldn't be feeling the cold.
it amuses me the surprise I feel at this realization.
after all, I know I'm not dead.
I know a lot of things.
I know you.
I love you.
I am you.
in the distance, three souls of the damned are dancing in the moonlight.
sleep now, close your tired eyes.
I cannot,
I have battles to fight.
bravely, I take my sword and turn to face the demons of your soul.
I hear your peaceful snoring there beside me.
I take my first blind swing.
it's going to be a long night